Spider Webs

In case you were wondering, yes I took this picture and I am very proud of it! Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of a spider web? I have recently become very fond of photography and this morning I saw this and had to snap a shot. And of course, as almost everything does, it made me think of infertility. I will try to explain myself. I had my very first IUI done on Monday and ever since then I have been thinking about this delicate process that may or may not be going on in my body. It is very intricate much like this spider web....all the pieces have to fit together for it to be strong. I cannot stop thinking about the IUI. I think about it every day. Like I said in a prior post....I don't know how I am going to handle a IUI BFN. I am assuming that it is going to be harder than a clomid BFN.

So, about the IUI. It went well and was not nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. There was a little cramping and pressure, and at one point some pain, but nothing that I couldn't handle. After it was over and we were in the car driving home my DH says to me "I kinda gotta taste of what its going to be like when your pregnant....you laying on the table and me holding your hand" I thought it was sweet :) I know that he is thinking about it a lot too. He keeps bringing it up at the weirdest times. As we sat in the room together with our little swimmers in a vial, we couldn't help but think that our baby could be in there....just waiting for a perfect little egg to snuggle into. It was crazy to see them just sitting there. My DH didn't want to come in the room at first but we made a deal....I would take his sample in and he would be in the room with me. I am pretty sure that he was glad that he was in there for that moment. After it was all said and done, I kept thinking about what could possibly going on in my body....it was kind of a weird feeling! I am still thinking about it on a daily basis.....is my body making a baby right now??? Let's hope! Only 11 more days to go before I can test! Its going to be a long 11 days!

Another reason to hate my body

So, my doctors office called and gave me the price list for what the IUI is going to cost. It was about $80 cheaper than what I was expecting! During the call I start asking questions like when to call, how does the this process work, etc. Well she proceeds to tell me that she has no idea how to answer my questions and will have a nurse call me. About an hour later they call back and it was my actual doctor calling....I have never spoke to this man on the phone...he never calls himself!! I was shocked! So we discuss the IUI and how the whole process is going to work....he then tells me that if I ovulate on the weekend that we will have to do the IUI next month :( He says that we are young so there is no rush! I was a little upset by this comment....I mean really doc, are you the one taking these pills that turn you into Godzilla and make you sweat like crazy?! So now I have another reason to hate my body...if it decides to ovulate on the weekend, I am going to be very angry....I just need it to cooperate! I am going to be so mad if this whole cycle is canceled because its a weekend!

In other news, I FINALLY got my hair cut!!! It feels a lot better but it is going to take some getting used to. Its a little bit more choppy then I am used to and he cut some more side bangs, which I am also not used to. It makes me seem either punk or artistic, if that makes any sense. The verdict is still out tho....I may need to post a picture and get some opinions!

I also wanted to mention that I was nominated for my FIRST blog award!!! I am super excited!! I was very touched and glad to know that someone reads my babbling! So, thank you so much!!!!

One step closer

Well its official, I finished my last clomid this morning! Luckily I have only really had a few side effects....mostly just night sweats, and maybe a little moodiness! But all in all the 100mg wasn't that bad. DH keeps mentioning how close we are to doing the IUI. I know he is nervous, mostly about ending up with 3 children. I can't deny that I am getting more and more scared as the days go by. I think in my mind I pretty much know that this isn't going to work (great attitude, right)....maybe I am trying to make sure that I don't set myself up for heartache....but realistically there is NO way to prepare yourself for a BFN.

So, last night at work was terrible. I think in the 2 years that I have worked there, this was one of the top 3 worst nights. Everything that could have gone wrong did. At one point I went to the restroom and as I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror....I noticed at least 3 WHITE (not gray) hairs on my head!!!! I am still in my 20's!!! How this is possible, I don't know. This lead me to think, is the stress of my job part of the reason it is so hard for us to get pregnant?? I always hear that stress has a bad effect on fertility. Maybe its the IF that is causing the white hair. Either way, I don't like it.

On a good note, I am getting my hair cut on Tuesday and I could not be happier! I tried really hard to grow my hair out (per the request of my DH) and I realized that long hair just isn't for me. I used to have this cute angled bob that was shorter in the back and got longer in the front....it was always stylish and framed my face so well. But he wanted me to grow it out so I tried for him. It's so funny how a simple hair style can make a woman feel so bad about herself. I have felt horribly ugly for the last 3 weeks. So, you won the battle hair....I get it....you can stop flipping out in weird places and making me feel bad about myself...I will be taking care of you in a few days!